Published: 9/2/2025

A daily reflection to pause, breathe, and ask: What is it like to be with me? And what is it like to be me?

Dear One,

This morning, I found myself in a familiar tension with my teen — the kind of argument that rarely goes well when we’re both reactive. Frustrated, I threw my hands up and walked to my room. In some ways it was a flight response, yet it also gave me space. Sitting with my feelings was uncomfortable, but I practiced the pause: slow breaths, noticing five things outside the window. In that moment, I remembered — this conversation will go better when calm returns. I asked myself: What might this look like through my child’s eyes? And what does it feel like in mine?

The same practice has helped me in my partnership, too. Not long ago, my partner and I found ourselves in a heated discussion where both of us wanted to be right. Every word became a defense, every pause an opening to counter back. The turning point came when I asked: How does it feel to be partnered by me right now? And how does it feel to be me in this moment? That question softened the edge. It reminded me that we both wanted to be heard, valued, and safe — more than we wanted to win.

That small shift invites me to hold two mirrors at once. And while I share these stories through the lens of parenting and partnering, these mirrors are not just for parents or couples — they can be held in any relationship we cherish: with a friend, a sibling, or even with our own parents.

1. The Accountability Mirror

How does it feel to be parented or partnered by me?

This is the willingness to step outside myself and ask: What is my impact? How does my presence land in the body and heart of another? It is an act of deep responsibility and humility — not only to love, but to also wonder how that love is received. This is where we grow in empathy, maturity, and boundaries.

2. The Compassion Mirror

How does it feel for me to be a parent or a partner?

This is the willingness to step inside myself and ask: What is stirred in me when I give, when I stay, when I show up? What parts of me ache for gentleness, validation, and love? This honours the truth that parenting and partnering are not only about the child or the other person — they are also about our nervous system, our longings, and our healing.

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✨ Together, these two mirrors create balance: responsibility without self-erasure, compassion without self-indulgence.

They allow us to grow relationships that are both safe for others and sustaining for us.

A gentle practice you might try today:

Before reacting, pause and ask — What might a loving witness say to both of us right now?

With warmth,

Lelia ♡