Published: Invalid Date

Subtitle: (since I couldn’t decide)

Coming Back to Yourself After Being Lost in Someone Else

Dear one,

Have you ever tried to understand someone so deeply…

that you slowly disappeared in the process?

That’s not a flaw.

That’s a survival pattern.

☽Some of us grew up learning that love meant tuning in to other people’s pain,

while turning down the volume on our own.

☽We became hyperaware of others’ moods.

☽We learned to stay small, stay kind, stay quiet… just to stay safe.

This wasn’t conscious.

It was your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do—

protect you, by choosing attachment over authenticity.

And it worked.

Until it didn’t.

♡

It can feel deeply disorienting when someone you care about can’t meet you with presence, care, or accountability.

Especially when you’ve offered them so much grace.

Especially when you’ve tried to understand their wounds, their patterns, their past.

But understanding someone is not the same as feeling safe with them.

This is a tender mistake many of us make on the healing path—because we know we’re not perfect either.

But it’s not about perfection.

It’s about presence.

It’s about the willingness to take responsibility for one’s impact.

A gentle truth:

People often struggle to give what they haven’t yet learned to offer themselves.

If they avoid their own emotions, they may struggle to honour yours.

If they silence their inner pain, they may flinch when you express yours.

If they betray their needs to stay connected, they may expect you to do the same.

This doesn’t excuse harmful behaviour ❀

but it does help you see clearly.

So you stop carrying their limitations as proof that you’re too much, too needy, or not enough.

Curious Compassion begins here:

✦ What did I learn about safety in relationships?

✦ When did I begin to believe I had to earn love by staying small or silent?

✦ Where do I still override my truth in order to keep the peace?

This isn’t about blame ❀

It’s about becoming conscious of the patterns that no longer serve you

so you can meet yourself with deeper honesty, care, and choice.

How your body might speak before your mind can name it:

✦ Your chest tightens in conversations that require honesty

✦ Your stomach knots when someone withdraws, and you blame yourself

✦ You feel a flutter of anxiety when you consider setting a boundary

✦ You spiral into an anxious loop of overexplaining or caretaking

✦ You override exhaustion or discomfort to keep someone close

✦ Your voice, your joy, your aliveness begin to shrink

✦ You cry—not just from the moment, but from the memory it awakens

This is not weakness ❀

This is unprocessed survival energy

what was too much, too soon, or not enough for too long.

♡

Your body holds the story.

And now, it’s asking to be met with gentleness, not judgement.

With presence, not pressure.

With safety, not shame.

An Important Reminder:

How someone treats you is a reflection of their inner world ❀

their self-awareness, emotional regulation, and nervous system state.

It is not a reflection of your worth.

Their healing is not your responsibility.

And your peace does not require their participation.

As the poet Vinati so tenderly writes:

“You don’t learn to unlove them. You learn to love yourself more.”

Healing isn’t about cutting people off ❀ It’s about coming back to yourself.

But sometimes, in the process of returning to yourself,

you realise that a relationship can’t continue

not because you don’t care

but because your nervous system can no longer afford the cost of being repeatedly disregarded.

♡

When your boundaries are not respected,

when your self-worth is consistently punctured,

stepping away is not abandonment.

It is self-honouring.

Letting go doesn’t mean you stopped loving them.

It means you finally chose to love you.

A somatic practice for your return to self:

✦ Sit or lie somewhere quiet

✦ Place one hand on your heart, the other on your belly

✦ Breathe in gently and say:

“It is safe to feel. It is safe to choose me.”

✦ Exhale with:

“I don’t have to stay where I must shrink to be accepted.”

or simply whisper:

“I no longer need to abandon myself to be safe.”

Repeat as often as needed.

Your body deserves to feel your presence.

This is the path of healing:

Not harsh ❀ but honest

Not cold ❀ but clear

Not perfect ❀ but powerful

You’re not walking away from love.

You’re walking toward it

rooted in truth

grounded in safety

and woven with compassion.

With you, gently and fiercely,

♡ Lelia

If this reflection resonates with you…

You can explore current offerings here → ________

or stay tuned for upcoming courses and healing spaces ♡

For more tools, reflections, and nervous system support, follow along on Instagram @synergy.parenting

You don’t have to heal alone ❀

And you don’t have to keep disappearing to stay connected.