Published: 8/28/2025

So many of us begin parenting with devotion in our hearts and love as our guide — and yet we find ourselves parenting as we were parented or swinging to the opposite extreme.

I know this because I have lived it, and it has shaped the way I now reflect on my own 28 years of parenting.

I love my children with all my heart.

I have always been devoted to being the best parent I could.

And yet, I parented my older children in their early years very differently to how I parent now.

I know it is human to parent how we were parented —

or swing to the opposite extreme when we’re stressed or lacking skills.

Our nervous system wiring begins in childhood,

and it can reactivate in adulthood,

especially when something stirs the same emotions.

I hold grace for the patterns I repeated

and compassion for the fact

that I was doing my best

with what I knew at the time.

And I hold responsibility too —

because love alone doesn’t cancel out the impact of how we parent.

If I could go back to the beginning,

I would begin with being rather than doing.

I would remember that my child’s worth was never mine to give — only to recognise and protect.

I would listen not just to words, but to the pauses, the sighs, the way small shoulders rise when the world feels heavy.

I would…

♡ Make emotional safety the foundation — so they always knew their feelings were welcome guests, not intruders to be shut out.

♡ Lead with warm, steady boundaries — not as punishment, but as guardrails that keep us safe and close.

♡ See them as whole from the start — not a reflection of my success or failure, but a soul unfolding at their own pace.

♡ Be curious instead of certain — asking, “What’s really going on beneath this?” before I decided how to respond.

♡ Repair when I got it wrong — showing them that mistakes don’t end love, they can deepen it.

♡ Keep joy woven into the everyday — silly games, belly laughs, shared wonder. Because joy teaches resilience just as much as discipline does.

If I could go back,

I would parent less from fear, more from trust.

Less from “What will people think?” and more from “What will my child feel?”

Less from old wounds, more from present wisdom.

Parenting today carries its own kind of heaviness.

We’re raising children in a world that feels both breathtakingly beautiful and unbearably broken. There is so much noise, so much pressure, so much uncertainty. Sometimes it feels impossible to protect them from it all.

But here’s what I keep returning to:

My child doesn’t need me to shield them from every storm.

They need me to be their shelter in the storm.

To be the place where they can feel safe, seen, and soothed.

To remind them that even in a chaotic world, love and connection are steady ground.

That’s something I can offer, even when I cannot control the world outside our door.

And here’s the grace in it —

I can begin this way now.

With my grown children,

with my younger ones,

and with the child inside me

who is still longing to be parented this way, too.

It’s never too late to begin again. ♡

Reflection for You:

Perhaps as you read this, you’re remembering moments you wish had been different. If so, I want you to know this: you are not alone. Every parent carries stories of “if I could go back.”

What matters is the grace we extend to ourselves,

the responsibility we take,

and the daily choice to soften harmful patterns

and strengthen helpful ones.

If this letter resonates, I’d love to hear from you.

Reply and share one way you’re choosing to parent differently now — I read every response.

hello@leliaschott.com

With love,

Lelia ♡