Published: 4/8/2025

Did you grow up with the unspoken rule: OBEY?

So many of us did.

I understand that it had its place at times; perhaps it kept order or maintained peace. However, it also taught us to silence our feelings, ignore our needs, and avoid conflict at all costs.

As adults, that early conditioning can make conflict feel terrifying. Speaking up might trigger anxiety. Setting a boundary might feel like a betrayal. Even a calm disagreement can leave us frozen or panicked.

Writer Allison Dineen says it perfectly:

“I wondered why I was so afraid of conflict until I remembered that I grew up with one rule: OBEY (and zero skills on how to disagree safely).”

That fear you feel during conflict isn’t a flaw—it’s your nervous system trying to keep you safe. When we face disagreement or tension, our bodies activate old survival strategies:

fight, flight, freeze, or appease.

These might show up as:

• Fight: defensiveness or anger
• Flight: shutting down or avoiding
• Freeze: going blank, feeling stuck
• Appease: people-pleasing, saying “yes” when you mean “no”

These patterns helped us survive when we had little power. But now?

We’re adults. We get to choose differently.

You can pause, breathe, and remind yourself:
I am safe now. I am allowed to speak. I can handle this.

Conflict, when handled with care, doesn’t destroy connection—it deepens it.

By learning to express your needs, set respectful boundaries, and navigate disagreement, you begin to reclaim your voice. You begin to show up fully and authentically.

Because you are no longer the child who had to obey to survive.
You are a powerful adult with a voice that matters.

Let this be your reminder:
You are worthy of respect.
You deserve to be heard.
And your voice is welcome here.

If this speaks to you, I invite you to take one small step:

Speak your truth in one safe space this week. ♡

With love,

Lelia